Be still

I’m not a patient person. It’s not a virtue that abounds in me, but I do try to work on it. Mostly.

A couple of months ago I wanted something. I thought it was going to happen. The excitement was there, and then the nerves. I said “if it’s meant to be it will be, if not, God will close the door.” But I believed that He wasn’t going to close the door. Then He did. Closed it with a bang, and I was hurt. There were tears and questions, but I got over it and did believe again that it wasn’t supposed to happen for me. I moved on and was enjoying where I was.

Last week it came back up in the forefront of my life. The opportunity is there again, but this time I was leary. There were nerves that didn’t exist before. Should I want this when I’m happy? Am I supposed to do this?

I prayed about it, and enlisted prayer partners to ask Jesus to just give me an answer. A flashing neon sign if you will. After a few days of silence, I began to wonder if this was His answer. No answer means don’t go for it. Then I started thinking about free will. Is it me using free will if I went for it when I wasn’t supposed to? Because then He could just shut the door again, so it really wouldn’t be that bad. All of these thoughts were running through my head, and I started to over analyze all of them.

Talking with some people that I really respect helped me sort out my feelings, so I went for it. Now I’m waiting. Not so patiently. Actually, this morning I was going to talk to someone and see if I could find anything out, but as I was thinking about it, His voice whispered in my ear to Be Still. So I listened, and I was still. So, this is me, blogging it out, as patiently as I can.

I don’t want to give more information yet, but I promise I will either way when I find out. It’s a story where it makes me uncomfortable, but God might be choosing to stretch me and use me. We’ll see.

God Speaks

I forgot to mention this earlier, and He reminded me of it just now.  It’s important because God is sharing it with me again.  This morning in church, the thought came into my head (God breathed it into my heart!) that I should read the bible like a book I’ve never read.  Read it as if you don’t know what the next page says, much less the ending.  Wow!  That brings a whole new perspective to things.  I was thankful that we no longer have to sacrifice!  If I look at it as it is, a true living story, and don’t know the ending, it’s pretty frightening.  I think we are blessed that our God is a patient and loving God, because He has put up with a lot of garbage from people along the way.  If I didn’t already know how to receive salvation, or saving grace, I’d really be worried. 

I was dreaming?

I saw my hand and a rope.  I was trying to hold onto the rope, but my hand was at the end.  I could see the rope separating and starting to fray.  I was slipping, and the rope was giving away.  Then another hand envelops mine.  A worn and calloused hand.  A tanned and tattered hand.  A nail scarred hand.  It came from nowhere and covered my hand with a mighty strength, so powerful I could feel it.  Feel the flesh on mine.  And I knew it was going to be OK.  When I can no longer hold on, He, Jesus, is here to help me.  He will carry the load, and let me hang freely while He nourishes my soul with His peace and love.  He will carry me until I regain the strength to hold on and fight for myself again.  Because He loves me so much.  Thank You Lord, for answering my prayers.  Thank You for showing me this, and sending me this security.  I will follow You.  I will praise You in the storm, because You are worth it.  Thank You for grabbing my hand, and teaching me. 

GRACE

My pastor has a great definition for grace– God’s Riches at Christ’s Expense.  Dictionary.com has 20 listed definitions for grace.  A few of the first seven are, elegance or beauty of form, favor or good will, mercy, clemency, or pardon.  Number eight begins with Theology, and contains the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God, the influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them, a virtue of excellence or divine origin, or the state of grace is the condition of being in God’s favor, or one of the elect.  I like the unmerited favor and love of God, because it reminds me that I do not deserve it, but He gives it because He loves me, even when I don’t deserve it.  That’s unconditional love, and we don’t often see that in our lives. 

That all leads up to a story about perfume.  A few weeks ago when Brooke and I were shopping, we came across inner grace.  I loved the name of it, so picked it up to try it.  It smells beautiful as well.  On the packaging it has philosophy, and I’m not sure if that is part of the name, but we found it in JCPenney, in the Sephora section.  I keep meaning to check it out online, and haven’t yet.  Anyway…  the perfume box says” philosophy:  to know peace is to know God.  within the context of peace we can know joy, love, and happiness.  in the absence of peace, we own nothing but the turmoil of our minds that jump from one thought to the next.  to find peace you must shut off your mind and open your heart to the only thing that matters; the gift of the present moment, it is peace personified.”  The body spray says “philosophy: top achieve inner grace you must practice acceptance.  surrender to a power that is greater and more loving than your own.  inner grace is eternal.  inner grace is immortal.  inner grace has no beginning and no end.”  Finally, the lotion says “philosophy:  God is love.  God is peace.  God is trust.  God is joy.  God is family.  God is friendship.  God is fearless.  God is breath.  God is life.  God is wisdom.  God is eternal.  God speaks in whispers.”  It gives me something to ponder every morning, and strive for each moment. 

“Moore” Monday

I believe Beth Moore can teach a lot about prayer.  I’ve read her “Power of a Praying Wife, Mom, and Woman” books, and adapted some of the prayers into my everyday prayer life. So sorry, that would be Stormie O’Martian!  The stress of Thanksgiving has me confused still!  If you haven’t read any of Stormie’s books, I highly recommend them to anyone.  Now, back to Beth Moore, whom I have read a few books, and done some of her bible studies, including Believing God.  Please visit her website at Living Proof to see what she has to offer.  I  have 2 devotionals from her.  Praying God’s Word Day by Day, A year of Devotional Prayer, is so powerful, and speaks to me so often in times of need.  No matter what day it is, the daily devo is awesome.  I know that I’ve shared some in the past, and I have another one today. 

NONE OF US CONSISTENTLY GLORIFY GOD IN EVERYTHING WE SAY AND DO,

 BUT WE CAN STILL EXPERIENCE GENUINE LIBERATION IN CHRIST

You, the Lord my God, are my sun and shield;  You, Lord, bestow favor and honor; no good thing do You withhold from those whose walk is blameless (Ps. 84:11).

Lord, I can’t claim a blameless walk, but I ask You to please empower me to walk with You faithfully and to never cease pursuing it.  Help me, Lord, to hold unswervingly to the hope I profess, for You who promised are faithful (Heb. 10:23).

If I do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if I spend myself in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then light will rise in the darkness, and my night will become like noonday (Isa. 58:9-10).

That just put me in my place.  Empower me Lord, to do Your will, and profess Your name.  To stand by You, as You faithfully stand for all of us.  May my words honor and edify You, may my actions bring You glory.  Thank You Lord, that You faithfully love me and guide me, even when I fall short.  Thank You, for the gift of Your Son, and the salvation He brought.  Thank You for your grace, that I can be saved by faith through Your grace.  Thank You for carrying me when I succumb to the pressures, doubts and fears.  I have been blessed!