When you hurt, I hurt too

I had all these thoughts rambling around in my head and wanted to get them out. Now I can’t form a sentence.

I guess I have questions.

Lots of questions.

Why do you go back to the pit when you’ve seen the LIGHT? I get that it’s comfortable, a place you’re familiar with. You’ve spent so much time there. But why is it so easy to go back to that place and dwell there?

Why do you not fight? It’s so easy for you to give up. And don’t tell me you’ve been through crap and back, because I KNOW THAT! I just want you to speak up to those that are doing wrong and stand up for yourself. And maybe even realize everyone goes through their own kind of crap, some of which is far worse than what you do.

Why do you call me to vent about someone yelling at you, that you’re not going to be yelled at again today, and end up yelling at me. How is that right? Why do you not see that? Do you wonder if, or when I will be done?

How can you not see the effects of your attitude? It’s like a riptide that carries everyone out to sea and underwater. It’s not just you.

Why do you shut me out and push me away? You close yourself off to anyone who wants to help. You withdraw when you need to reach out.

Why do you think so little of yourself? You are a child of God, created in His own image. He loves you and He has great plans for you. Believe His promises. Rebuke satan.

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

So what do people get in this life for all their hard work and anxiety? Their days of labor are filled with pain and grief; even at night their minds cannot rest. It is all meaningless. Ecclesiastes 2:22

When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. Psalm 91:15

For He loves us with unfailing love; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord! Psalm 117:2

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? (As the scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep”) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. Romans 8:35-38

Why not pick up the ball and take a step forward? I’m still here, waiting

Prayer for Struggles and Trials

Jesus, I pray that in the midst of trials and struggles we are experiencing right now, that we will look to You to be our strength and refuge until these calamities have passed by (Psalm 57:1).

Only You know the depths of pain, fear, anger, sadness, and hurt. Only You can save. Only You can make all things new. Only You can heal hearts.

I put my trust in You, Lord, and believe that You are in this. I know You have a plan and it is for good. Help us to focus our eyes on You.

Place a hedge of protection around our household and keep us safe from evil. Give us wisdom as to where You want us to be, and what actions we need to take. Guide our every step and help us to choose love in all things.

Thank You for Your grace, mercy, love and forgiveness.


A little confession

On Friday evening we watched Brooke cheer the Cougars on at their first loss. It was a tough game! I love watching Brooke though, so I still enjoyed it. She is simply beautiful, loves deeply, and is so kind hearted. I am blessed to call her my daughter.

She will be starting Drivers Ed on Wednesday, so I could use lots of prayers. I’m going to be a blubbering mess!

Saturday brought with it Matthew’s second basketball game of the season. He has picked up a lot since last year, and it’s fun to watch him understand what’s going on. It also helps that Brooke’s boyfriend is an awesome player on the Varsity team, and he is eager to help Matthew out.

Here’s where the confession comes. Are you still there? I’m just a little competitive. Ok, maybe a lot! I could tell you that I just want him to have fun, but I really want him to win. I want him to have fun while winning. I don’t know where this comes from, because I didn’t play any sports when I was little. But something comes out in me, and it’s not pretty.

This year we have a referee, and he makes some calls, but he clearly stated that they didn’t want him to make too many. Well, when a kid takes my baby down to the floor, I expect a call. I almost came off the bleachers to save Matthew, but thought better of it when Brian looked me in the eye and told me “it’s ok.” Obviously it was NOT ok, as some kid just took. my. baby. down!! Then his mom cheers him on! This is when something snapped in me, and I yelled out, “don’t let him push you around, Matthew!” And the next time Matthew scored, I cheered extra loud. Looking back, I’m not proud of my behavior. I am proud of Matthew though.

That evening we had the pleasure of traveling to another Cougars game, and watching them pull off an awesome win. The calls were terrible, and it was a close game up to the last second, but it was probably the most exciting basketball game I’ve been to. Everyone left smiling.

Yesterday we cleaned the house a little and Brooke’s boyfriend spent the day with us. He was outside playing basketball with the boys while Brooke finished a project, and I think she might have been jealous. It was sweet. Matthew has been having a hard time leaving me for school lately, some days he has cried and not wanted to get out of the car in the drop off line. This has gone on for a couple of weeks now, and it always rears up at the last minute in drop off, until last night. Last night, he became very teary when I said there were only eight more days of school until Christmas break. He told me he didn’t want to go to school because he misses me too much when he’s there. We spent some time laying on my bed talking, crying, and praying. I told him that we thought our family was complete, and then I decided we needed one more child, and that Jesus gave us him. I shared with him that Jesus knew what He was doing, and that He has great plans for Matthew. Also that He’s always with us, so when we get scared, all we have to do is call out to Him. We prayed a lot, and we went to bed in a better place.

I didn’t wake up today with that same light heart though. I hit the snooze button, so there wasn’t time for me to do my bible reading. I was grouchy when I walked into the kitchen that I had cleaned yesterday, and discovered a large mess on the table and in the sink where someone made muddy buddies and didn’t clean up after themselves. The dog was into EVERYTHING! I was also dreading waking Matthew up. I didn’t want to deal with any more tears, and I was just a grump. Little things kept hitting me, and I know it was satan. Brooke waited until this morning to print off her project and the printer needed to run a test print first. Her ride showed up and she told them to go on, so I had to take her to school. I was in a full blown tizzy by that time. When I came back home, Matthew and I sat at the kitchen table together. I could tell that he was trying to hold back the tears, and he could probably tell I was being overly talkative. We were doing well until he reminded me that we needed to fill out his reading log, and I couldn’t find it. I made one out, and we were racing out the door to make it to school on time. I drove to the end of the road, came to a rolling stop and turned right. As soon as I did, I saw the cop sitting there. When I passed him, he pulled out behind me, and next I saw his lights. I knew what I had done. I was guilty and wrong. And running late.

The officer was very nice and just gave me a warning. I know I should stop. Completely.

We went off and made it to school in time. Both of us were trying to hold it together by this time, and we managed to do so. I promised him last night that we would do something special if he didn’t cry, so tonight we made homemade sugar cookies together. As we were sitting at the table, he said, “thanks for bringing me into this world.” I chuckled as I asked him where that came from, and he said, “you know, last night when you were talking to me about wanting another baby, thanks for having me.” My heart melts!

The Crash

Monday morning started out like any other.  I had 2 kids off to school, and the Schwan’s man was here.  I was standing in the living room waiting for him to bring the food in when I heard a noise and looked out the window to see a car airborne and coming over the hill in front of our house.  In the next instant, I heard a crash, and the Schwan’s man was coming up my sidewalk.  I grabbed the phone and called 911, and saw that some of the construction guys from across the street were running to the car, which ended up in the creek at the edge of our property.  Let me first say the woman was OK, so I can draw the story out for you.  The 911 operator asked me two very strange questions.  Was anyone in the car, and what kind of car is it.  UMMM, I think the car was driving itself….and does it really matter what the make of the vehicle is?  It’s currently in the creek, and all I can tell you is I see a sunroof!!!!   Come on!  I got rid of her and ran to the scene.   I guess the nurse remains, even when you decide to stay at home to be a mommy!  She was actually getting ready to call someone on her cell phone, and only complaining of some soreness from the seat belt and air bag deployment.  The car was precariously perched on the bank of the creek, like she almost jumped it Dukes of Hazzard Style.  If she had done that, she would have ended up in the neighbors house.  Not good.  Anyway, the front bumper and tires were pretty much buried in the mud at the edge of their yard and the creek, then the back of the car just fell down into the creek.  We had police, EMT’s, and 3 Fire Trucks closing off the road to get her out.  They did a wonderful job, in the slick mud, and cut her door off to get her out.  Like I said, she was talking and OK.  Thank GOD!  This woman was so blessed by God, and I hope she knows that.  1- This road is so crazy busy all the time, and for there to be no other cars at the time she crossed the center line and lost control, is a miracle.  2-  She left the road on the north side, and came back up to the pavement, couldn’t get control and came to the south side over our hill.  If she had been 3 more feet over, she would have hit the huge Maple tree.  And it would not have given like the wet mud of the creek did.  3-  If she had jumped the creek, she’d have hit the neighbors stone house.  She had a passenger that day, and it was our heavenly Father.  I pray she realized that.  I know I thanked Him for His hand in it. 

I have pictures of the car after she went to the hospital, and the tracks in the yard, but I’m having trouble getting them into thumbnails again.  So I’m techie challenged…what can I say? 

I’ll work on it.

A terrible loss…

As many of you know, I love to scrapbook, and I love Creative Memories. I sell the stuff because I love it, and I love the company. The consultants are a close knit group, and I love the support they provide. I received an email requesting prayer for an upline who lives in Florida. Her 19 year old daughter contracted bacterial meningitis at college. She was on a bus trip Thursday, and Friday in a coma. They were pumping her with antibiotics, and wanted everyone to pray. When I checked my email tonight, I learned that she had passed away. Rachel was only 19, she has two brothers, and she had a love for life and dance. The email had a few pictures, and as I read I was crying. My daughter was sitting beside me, and profoundly, said ” God has something bigger planned for her in Heaven.” We may not understand it, but Brooke is right. God called her home, to be with Him. This place is only a temporary residence, our eternal future is with God. Rachel is dancing in Heaven, and she feels no sorrow. Please pray for her family, that they will find peace and healing in this painful time, and that they will cling to God for strength. Now thank God for all He has given you, and go kiss your kids one more time tonight.