Now is not a good time

Chapter 4 of the Radical read along, and let me just be really honest here…I want to quit. So badly. I just want to lay this book down and not think of it again, because it makes me feel broken, lost, confused, and convicted. I don’t like feeling this way. Guilty too, I almost forgot the guilt. I keep waiting for a happy chapter. One filled with how much God loves me and appreciates what I’m doing. Or just how He loves me even when I’m not doing anything to grow His kingdom, but just sailing along on my own, taking care of things.

That’s how I was living before this book changed my perspective. Every chapter is tough. They make me want to change myself, and the world around me. But how? I’m just me and now is really not a good time. See, I’m one of those people that has supported missionaries, but thought “that’s not for me.” Surely God doesn’t want me to go to the ends of the earth when my family is here…and comfortable. Maybe when the kids are grown I’ll be able to travel to the less fortunate and serve in some way. Maybe.

Jesus called us to make disciples of all nations in Matthew 28. Am I saying no? How can I? Really, how can I say no to Jesus, and how can I make disciples of all the nations? Sadly, saying no has become way too easy. Making disciples can only be accomplished by humbling myself, confessing my weakness, and accepting God’s grace. Only by the GRACE of God!

“He created human beings, not only to enjoy his grace in a relationship with him, but also to extend his glory to the ends of the earth.” (pg 65) The great why of God deals with a global purpose. It’s not just my neck of the woods. Global.

“God blesses his people with extravagant grace so they might extend his extravagant glory to all peoples on the earth.” (pg 69) How great is that? He blesses me with his grace, so I can share his glory with the world. Be a disciple, and share his glory. He blesses me, and I choose to extend that to others, not just ignore it and go on about my life. That’s good. And scary too. It’s making me step outside of my box of comfort, and take a hard look at myself.

I don’t like what I’m seeing, so I’m praying. God is working on me, and I’m trying not to say no anymore. Refine me Lord. Use me. Thank you.


  1. It’s tough, isn’t it? Yes, I think that’s the key..quit saying no before he even asks sometimes.

  2. I’m so glad you’re not going to quit, Jen, even if you want to more than anything.

  3. Isn’t it wonderful that the only part that’s up to us is first saying “yes”.

    “In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight”.
    Proverbs 3:6

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