A different experience

There’s something that’s been bothering me since Sunday. I just need to get it out, and I have prayed about it, but I also want your oppinion. Let me start off by giving a little family background. My maternal grandparents took me to church when I was a kid, and I was baptized around age 9 I think. My mom would attend sometimes. During my teen years I went to a much smaller church with my best friend. We were active in the youth group there. I went off to college and strayed away from church. (There are two branches to this tree, so bear with me please. ) The first branch is my husband. I actually met Brian at college. I shared an apartment with two friends, one who left me way too soon! Love ya Stace!! Brian also had an apartment two doors down. It was my first year, and his last. He graduated and went to Purdue for two more years. I finished college and moved back home to start my nursing career. I was working crazy hours, and church never seemed to fit into my schedule. Brian proposed on Christmas day, and we were married in July after he graduated. We didn’t have a church, so we picked one that was about halfway for both our families to drive to. We met with the pastor, and had one session of pre-marital counseling. It was really good. We later received a phone call that the pastor had left, no details, but if we wanted to get married, we needed to provide a pastor, or take their fill in. We chose my uncle, and he flew in and performed a beautiful ceremony.

Skip forward about 8 years. This is the second branch, and it involves my dad. I don’t recall him ever attending church when I was little. My mom’s dad told him he had to be baptized to marry my mom, so he did that, but wasn’t much of a follower. He believed in God, but wasn’t living it. Long story short, I wish you could meet him and hear his testimony. He is filled with the Holy Spirit, and it flows out of him when he speaks. Dad was at a low place, and he cried out to Jesus, and instantly dad felt His presence. From that moment on, he has been an inspiration to me and many others. So Brian and I started taking the kids to church. A really big church, where it is easy to get lost in the crowd. I joined a small group for a bible study, but Brian wouldn’t go because it’s not his thing. He was baptized 4 years ago, on the same day as his brother.

This is where the story gets hard. I feel like just attending church on Sunday is not enough, and he has a different view. I have tried many times to initiate a bible study with him, and failed. I pray for him, and I try to be the good example for him, but it seems like everywhere else he goes, there is more darkness than light. He is in a constant struggle in the sand, and it is very hard for us both. Well racing has taken quite a few of our weekends, and church attendance has not been up to par. This past Sunday was the first time we had been in 3 weeks, I think. The sermon series is on the “one anothers” in the bible. Love one another, forgive one another, be compassionate to one another, and this week was about Colossians 3:16. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. So we sang, we praised, and we worshipped for the whole hour. It was amazing, and I could feel His presence with us. It was powerful and moving. I could not stand still. Deep down I knew that the only One who hears me singing and thinks it is a joyful sound is the Lord, but it didn’t matter. I just can’t describe to you how great it was! Now, Brian was standing right next to me, but the only time I really noticed him was when I heard his big sighs. I was filled with joy and gratitude. My feeling lasted until later that night when I was trying to talk to Brian about it. I wanted to know if he felt it too. I was disappointed to hear that he had a different experience. He doesn’t like to sing, and was bothered that it lasted the whole hour. He was irritated that he didn’t see the pastor, and so self focused that his back and feet were hurting. I know that the experience was different because my heart and eyes are open, and his aren’t. That doesn’t make it any easier. My dad has told me that I can’t push Brian, he has to come to it on his own, and that is so hard. I wanted to tell him that God was in that place, and maybe if he wasn’t so self absorbed in his own thoughts, he would have noticed. I just keep praying for him to open his heart, and for the Holy Spirit to fill him with such force that he knows what an awesome gift we’ve been given. I know I can only continue to pray, and I will, because I love him, and want him to be the spiritual head of our household. If anyone has any suggestions, or could just pray for Brian as well, I would greatly appreciate it.

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